Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
