John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
