He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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