I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Found your dick twin last night
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
