I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
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I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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