so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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