Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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