I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
