not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize