TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
