smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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