Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
