He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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