Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
