I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
