If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
