Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
