question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Two words: nipple clamps
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