ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
