I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Less talking, more tequila
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
