You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
