Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it's great music for shaving your balls
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(