That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
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i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.