:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
