I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
