you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
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Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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