I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
