You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
