The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
