It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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