i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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