I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
