I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
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I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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