hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
