no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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