So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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