Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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