The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
