shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
