you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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