So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
