well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
