great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
