i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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