He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
