Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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