Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think your dad took our porno
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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