3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
