Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
