I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The uberlube is also flammable
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
