1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Michael Bay diarrhea
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
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