You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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