I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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