I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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