You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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