that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
