can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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