Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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