she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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