Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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