Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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