Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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