im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
