New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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