Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
